December's Event Horizon - the hell that is New Year's cards

First of all, let me explain something about New Year's in Japan. New Year is Japan's equivalent of Christmas. It's not a party time; it's a time of reflection spent with family. There is a special dinner that requires hours of preparation, you have dinner with your family, you go to a shrine, etc. Instead of presents, envelopes of money are given to children. So yeah, it's almost exactly like Christmas minus the turkey and stuffing. Also, no cranberry sauce. (cry)

There's also one other tradition similar to Christmas...and that is, instead of Christmas cards, you have New Year's cards! Yay! Wait no, actually it's terrible. New Year's cards are like Christmas cards on steroids with a guilt factor of 10000000000000000000000 to the power of infinity. How shall I explain... Hmm. Well, Christmas cards are sent to family and friends. Unless you're the Prime Minister or the head of Tim Hortons, you don't normally send Christmas cards to...say...someone you used to see from time to time at the same bookstore 10 years ago. But in Japan...you do! You MUST! Ok, I'm exaggerating slightly but truthfully, the social pressure to send New Year's cards is shocking. It seems like all of Japan lets out a collective groan of dismay when buying cards in early December, and a collective sigh of relief once the cards have all been sent.

Before I came to Japan, I never (ok maybe once) sent Christmas cards. It's not that I am a terrible person, but personally, I think sending an email or making a phone call is probably better for the environment. It's certainly faster and cheaper. Also, I know for a fact that people in my native country that I met briefly would never in a million years expect a card from me...and my family and friends all know I'm lazy. So, Christmas cards were never a thing for me.

Nevertheless, my first January in Japan was looming and in every store, New Year's cards appeared. A quick query to my co-workers revealed this yearly trial as a requirement for being considered a decent human being in Japan. So, I responsibly sent my first set of New Year's cards. I think I sent 20 or so. The next year it was 40, then 30 (hooray!), then 45! Each time I have moved or changed work places, I have gained new friends and new New Year's card recipients. By the time I die, if I am still living in Japan, I bet I will have to send a card to every person living in the whole country. Good thing the population is shrinking cause I don't think I can afford the printer ink.

Every year, the same pattern happens. Early in December the New Year's cards appear in stores and I promptly buy a bunch of them. I pat myself on the back for getting a headstart on the whole thing and dutifully plan to write a few every week so that I am not rushed at the end of the year. I pat myself on the back, blink once and BAM! It's 3pm on the 31st!!!!!!!!!! What happens to my December every year I do not know. I feel like the month of December is a black hole created by the collective gravity of all Christmas and New Year's cards around the world. For those of you who don't devour astronomy texts, scientists theorize that time is distorted as you near a black hole. The closer you get to the event horizon, the slower time flows for you, but of course for everyone NOT near the black hole, time flows along at its normal rate. What is the blink of an eye to me, is the entire month of December to everyone else. At least, that's what it feels like.

Somehow, I am always at the post office sending my cards out late on the 31st. I think...maybe...possibly...the first year I sent New Year's cards they were out a few days before the New Year and probably arrived on time. But certainly, every year since I have become trapped in that black hole. So, a big sorry to everyone who keeps getting my cards late every year. I promise to try to do better next year... One thing that makes it all worthwhile though, is that I do love getting them in the mail!