12 Steps to Self Care - Japan style!

I was on social media the other day when one of my friends posted an image with the following 12 steps to living a happier life.

1. If it feels wrong, don't do it
2. Say exactly what you mean
3. Don't be a people pleaser
4. Trust your instincts
5. Never speak bad about yourself
6. Never give up on your dreams
7. Don't be afraid to say no
8. Don't be afraid to say yes
9. Be kind to yourself
10. Let go of what you can't control
11. Stay away from drama and negativity
12. LOVE

What struck me after reading it was how culturally subjective many parts of this list really are, and how little this kind of thinking would fly in Japanese society. So, for your viewing pleasure, and with no particular empirical data to back this up, here is my tongue-in-cheek 12 Steps to Self Care list - JAPAN STYLE!

1. If it feels wrong, endure it stoically and don't make waves
2. Never say exactly what you mean, it's too direct
3. Be a people pleaser, others before self
4. Don't trust your instincts, always ask for advice and find out the proper way of behaving
5. Always speak badly about yourself, be humble
6. Give up on your dreams and sacrifice yourself for another
7. Never say no, say what others expect you to say
8. Never say yes, say what others expect you to say
9. Be kind to others, be hard on yourself
10. If you can't control it, you need more rules and paperwork
11. Do not cause drama or negativity
12. LOVE, but not in public...don't even say the word out loud

Two Halves Do Not Always Make a Whole

(Warning: this is a personal post and contains generalisations.)

The longer I live in Japan, the more I become aware that within me, there is a struggle between my Japan-half and the rest. I have lived in Japan for many, many years now, and although I have not lived in Japan for longer than I have lived in my birth country, if we consider my adult life, I have lived in Japan for pretty much half of the time. This struggle is most apparent in my workplace.

You see, generally speaking, Japanese society encourages endurance and effort, whereas my native country encourages innovation and efficiency. Sometimes these two clash and when they do it feels like a tug of war in my mind. A silly example would be the fax machine. Oh fax machine...why or why are you so prevalent in Japan. Emails are faster, cost less, and don't kill trees, and yet the fax machine is preferred in many companies as a method of communication. Japan-Me thinks "Yes, paper is reliable. Computers can crash, valuable data can be lost. It is an established method in the Japanese work environment, and easier for older workers to use and understand." At the same time, Native-Me is going "*cough* Prehistoric *sputter* SOOO many better options *spaz* SOOO wasteful", etc.

A fax machine is an inanimate object, and as such, very patient. It waits undisturbed by the uncontrolled twitching that this war inside me produces. However, when my boss asks me a direct question that challenges this duel nature, there's a very palpable pause while my brain tries to work out who gets control over my vocal chords and mouth muscles.

Boss: Is “X” a problem?

(Tug of war ensues)

Japan-Me: "Nope, no problems here. We are able to overcome anything. We are a good Japanese worker, we are too humble to even consider instructing you because you are our boss and we are not worthy."
Native-Me: "X? Huge problem, massive. Causes horrible inefficiency in my job. There is a simple solution to get rid of X. The solution is..."

Garbled answer that I actually say: "X? Yes...um...X. Well, you know...X is a little...you know. It might be a problem...maybe... Sometimes I think it's a bit inconvenient, but it is not my place to give advice."

Here's the problem. If I went 100% Japan-Me, I would fit in at my workplace more easily and probably earn an easy, friendly relationship with my colleagues quickly. If I went 100% Native-Me, my colleagues would be uneasy maybe even shocked, but at least the problem would be exposed, and hopefully corrected. However, this half-way compromise is all that the war-zone in my brain is capable of producing right now. The sad result is that it is not Japanese enough to pass without producing some quality of the unexpected and unusual, but not direct enough to achieve any results. Is this the curse of the long-term resident?