Trilingual Tri-als and Tri-bulations

Sometimes learning another language can be difficult.

Japan's Saint-Valentine's Day Tradition

Japan has a curious take on Valentine's Day. While in most of the world, Valentine's Day has been traditionally a day for men to show women that they care about them through a variety of methods, in Japan it is a bit different.

For one thing, there are two kinds of chocolates made by women in Japan. Honmei and giri chocolates. Honmei chocolates are given by a girl/woman to a person she is romantically interested in. By giving her crush chocolates, she confesses her attraction to the person. However, here is the tricky part, getting chocolates doesn't necessarily mean a girl likes you because there's also the second type of chocolates - giri chocolates. Giri chocolates are chocolates given to your friends, co-workers, classmates, etc. who have helped you throughout the year. It's a kind of pay-back, or thanks for services rendered. Hence the term giri - or "obligation" chocolate.

The trick is determining if the chocolates you are receiving are honmei (YAY!) or giri (Boo!). Honmei chocolates are usually expensive and bought in a store. If hand-made, it will be obvious the girl put a lot of time into them. Whereas, giri chocolates are usually just made simply. However, the lady in question might just be really bad at making chocolates...so what then??? Sometimes a very direct girl will include the word "giri" on her chocolates like the photo above just to be clear she doesn't have any romantic interest. Most times, though, it can be tough to figure out without any other kind of confirmation.

For young boys and girls in Junior and Senior high school, Valentine's Day can be a day of high tension. For the girl, do you confess to the the person you like? What if they reject your chocolates?!? For hetero guys, what if the girl you like doesn't confess to you? OR, what if a girl you DON'T like confesses to you? Single adults also sometimes use Valentine's Day to confess to the person they like. Addtitionally, it's a common story arc in TV dramas, where the lady protagonist likes a person, but can't bring herself to give them chocolates.

One month later, men who receive chocolates (sorry Japan is still pretty hetero-normative) are supposed to buy something, usually cookies, and give them as a gift to anyone who gave them chocolates, whether the man likes the person romantically or not. I can imagine if you are a popular, yet not particularly rich young person without a job, this can be a difficult time.

I think confessing to the person you like is a really stressful thing regardless of your age, and having a defined day and method with which to do it might be helpful when you're young. I definitely think Valentine's Day is more interesting in Japan; especially as a teacher I have a great seat to watch the drama unfold.

December's Event Horizon - the hell that is New Year's cards

First of all, let me explain something about New Year's in Japan. New Year is Japan's equivalent of Christmas. It's not a party time; it's a time of reflection spent with family. There is a special dinner that requires hours of preparation, you have dinner with your family, you go to a shrine, etc. Instead of presents, envelopes of money are given to children. So yeah, it's almost exactly like Christmas minus the turkey and stuffing. Also, no cranberry sauce. (cry)

There's also one other tradition similar to Christmas...and that is, instead of Christmas cards, you have New Year's cards! Yay! Wait no, actually it's terrible. New Year's cards are like Christmas cards on steroids with a guilt factor of 10000000000000000000000 to the power of infinity. How shall I explain... Hmm. Well, Christmas cards are sent to family and friends. Unless you're the Prime Minister or the head of Tim Hortons, you don't normally send Christmas cards to...say...someone you used to see from time to time at the same bookstore 10 years ago. But in Japan...you do! You MUST! Ok, I'm exaggerating slightly but truthfully, the social pressure to send New Year's cards is shocking. It seems like all of Japan lets out a collective groan of dismay when buying cards in early December, and a collective sigh of relief once the cards have all been sent.

Before I came to Japan, I never (ok maybe once) sent Christmas cards. It's not that I am a terrible person, but personally, I think sending an email or making a phone call is probably better for the environment. It's certainly faster and cheaper. Also, I know for a fact that people in my native country that I met briefly would never in a million years expect a card from me...and my family and friends all know I'm lazy. So, Christmas cards were never a thing for me.

Nevertheless, my first January in Japan was looming and in every store, New Year's cards appeared. A quick query to my co-workers revealed this yearly trial as a requirement for being considered a decent human being in Japan. So, I responsibly sent my first set of New Year's cards. I think I sent 20 or so. The next year it was 40, then 30 (hooray!), then 45! Each time I have moved or changed work places, I have gained new friends and new New Year's card recipients. By the time I die, if I am still living in Japan, I bet I will have to send a card to every person living in the whole country. Good thing the population is shrinking cause I don't think I can afford the printer ink.

Every year, the same pattern happens. Early in December the New Year's cards appear in stores and I promptly buy a bunch of them. I pat myself on the back for getting a headstart on the whole thing and dutifully plan to write a few every week so that I am not rushed at the end of the year. I pat myself on the back, blink once and BAM! It's 3pm on the 31st!!!!!!!!!! What happens to my December every year I do not know. I feel like the month of December is a black hole created by the collective gravity of all Christmas and New Year's cards around the world. For those of you who don't devour astronomy texts, scientists theorize that time is distorted as you near a black hole. The closer you get to the event horizon, the slower time flows for you, but of course for everyone NOT near the black hole, time flows along at its normal rate. What is the blink of an eye to me, is the entire month of December to everyone else. At least, that's what it feels like.

Somehow, I am always at the post office sending my cards out late on the 31st. I think...maybe...possibly...the first year I sent New Year's cards they were out a few days before the New Year and probably arrived on time. But certainly, every year since I have become trapped in that black hole. So, a big sorry to everyone who keeps getting my cards late every year. I promise to try to do better next year... One thing that makes it all worthwhile though, is that I do love getting them in the mail!

Free? Speech

I was reading the comments from hundreds of different people about the Charlie Hebdo attack, and there were the usual angry, hate-filled rants that I tend to ignore, but along with those, were honestly mystified Muslims who kept asking similar questions, which I will boil down into one: "Why draw pictures of Mohammed if it offends Muslims? Why not..just...you know, NOT draw him."

Let's put the whole "FREE SPEECH, FREE SPEECH" placards away for a minute here. We all like the idea of "free speech", but very few of us practice the reality of it. In fact, in our everyday life, we censor our speech all the time. I think we would all agree that most of us would not tell our friend if he/she got a horrible outfit, or what exactly we think of our boss, or how boring we can sometimes find the person we are having a conversation with, although we have a right to do all of these things. All of us, to some degree or another, voluntarily censor our speech to prevent hurting the feelings of others.

Even comedians know that there are limits to some things. I haven't heard any Nazi gas chamber jokes, Twin Tower quips, or stillborn baby one-liners. Now, you may argue that it is a comedian's right to joke about these topics, and I would agree with you 100%, I would also believe 100% that this person would be booed off the stage. So, why is some humour acceptable and some humour not? And who decides? How do we, as a society, collective (for the most part) agree that some things just "aren't funny" and shouldn't be touched, and others are fair game? Why is Mohammed in the fair-game category?

Before you jump down my throat, this isn't me advocating for censorship or anything of the sort. I do not believe that speech should be legislated (even though it already is - hate speech). I'm not advocating for cartoonists to stop portraying Mohammed, nor do I condone the attack in any way, but what I DO think is that we, as individuals/cartoonists/etc, really need to step back and accept that we are making a choice here. We are choosing which topics are too sensitive to mock, and which are not. And thus, we are choosing to disrespect Muslims. Should a Muslim individual react by killing? Of course not. In my opinion, taking another life is the worst thing you can do. But at the same time, I would like to ask people to stop calling Muslim people "too sensitive"; saying that they need to "get over it" and "toughen up". These very same people, will be shocked and appalled when others violate their sense of "acceptable" humour.

Let me put it another way. In the movie Titanic, there's a scene where a man falls off the ship, hits the propeller, and presumably dies. When he hits the propeller, there's a loud "dong" sound, like a bell being rung. I find this hilarious and laugh every time. Why? Because of the thought that some sound guy, in some studio somewhere, saw that scene and decided to put in a "dong" sound on purpose. The idea of a sound tech, choosing the right type of "dong" to add in at that moment gives me giggles. It's hard to explain it even to myself why I find it so funny. No amount of me explaining why I find the "dong" sound funny stops my friends from thinking I'm creepy as hell. They looked at me with horror, and I completely understand why. In that moment, their sensitivities and mine have diverged. What to me, was something inherently funny, was to them, totally inappropriate mocking of a person's dramatic and horrible death.

So, humour is something relative. Something that varies culturally and individually, something that varies in time, place, and in context. If you're a cartoonist, or a comedian, you know this. It's a fine line. My propeller "dong" giggle just provokes a head shake, but finding the video of that guy falling from one of the twin towers funny will likely get you beat up in NYC. Telling your boss that her dress is ugly and she laughs like a horse, might get you fired. There's a time and place for humour, and yes, for free speech. You have all the right in the world to say what you like, draw what you like. Nevertheless, I think we should all examine ourselves and why we find certain things acceptable and others not. How do we as a culture, come to some collective consciousness about what is "too sensitive" and what isn't? What should we do when our cultural/individual sensitivities don't mesh with another’s? And what does it say about us, when we ignore something we know will upset a large group of people, but then turn around and respect the sensitivities of other groups?